Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Ramblings in my head when I can't sleep.....

Writing has always come easy to me. I'm not sure if it comes from the insane amount of thoughts that pass through my head every day or that I just find some peace in writing. Many times I'll write a story in my head and thats where it will stay. Very rarely will those thoughts be written down into a journal and its even less likely that they'll appear on this here blog. However, on occasion some funny thing happens to me or I have some random thoughts and I just can't take it, it has to be written down.

Tonight I'm missing my grandpa and I was struck with the concept of "life." Its got me feeling a bit overwhelmed. We're all here for a purpose right?! And we spend a good chunk of our time on this Earth searching for that purpose and/or trying to live it out. Does there ever come a time when you say "Okay, I've done all I can do, I've searched as far as I can go" and then you just stop? Will I ever feel like I've really achieved my purpose here? Or will there always be more. A lot of people have desires which they seek to fulfill and I think that many times, those desires get in the way of our purpose. You want the family, the successful job, the house with the white picket fence, the dog, 2 cats, the cars, the box seats......... They start out with the question "whats my purpose or what am I here for?" A majority will answer that question with the desire to have a family. That desire then spills into the rest of their life where they try to achieve things that, while good, really leave you wanting more. Desires are great but they are not purpose.

Again, the question is asked "what is your purpose?" I personally believe it's to go and make fishers of men. But once again, I'm left feeling confused and overwhelmed with that answer. Where do I go? How do I go? I'm left with the feeling that purpose can never fully be achieved while I'm on this Earth. Its hard to find peace in that, don't you think?! That what you're called to do can never fully and completely be achieved. Theres always more to be done, places to go, you're never fully satisfied. This is something that I've struggled with for a good 1/2 of my life. What path am I to take and where will that lead. Sure there will be many accomplishments along the way, many highs and lows, and thats all part of your journey. You're filling in that circle that is purpose. But will it ever be completely filled?

After you read this and you're more confused then ever, welcome to the club because as I read this back, I'm not sure if it even makes sense to me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that trying to figure out life is impossible. Am I where I'm called to be? When will this place feel like home? If I've learned anything, I've learned that this Earth is not home, heaven is home. Until that day that I am reunited with my grandpa in heaven (home) I must go through this life trying to live out what I've been called to do, my purpose. (Jer 29:11) Whether I completely understand it our not doesn't really matter because as they say "Thats life."

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Where does life go when you're not looking?

Where do you begin when you're not really sure where the last couple months went. Why does it seem that as I get older, the years just get faster and faster. Have I really been out of college for 2 full years now? Am I expected to be totally immersed into the "real world" or can I still get by with that "I have no idea what I'm doing" look?
This summer was, wow, so busy I wonder how I even had time to sleep. Weddings seemed to be the theme and I happily partook in all the festivities. Casey, Beth, Teeda, Lindsay, Doug and the list goes on and on and on..... Throw in vacation, working overtime, concerts, its a wonder I even got to follow baseball season this summer. Now, its mid September and I'm thinking to myself "holy crap its going to snow soon and I barely got a tan!" (well maybe I'm just thinking this summer went really fast but I do look a little pasty for September)
I've missed so many writing opportunities because I was just flying through life. I can think of about 8 stories I want to write but know that in reality, the moment has passed and I won't do them justice. I can, however, inform you that I've joined Farrells kickboxing so there's bound to be some funny stories from my experience. In fact, I'm pretty sure after I'm done writing this I'm not going to be able to get up off the couch because my muscles have decided to cramp up and my legs won't move. Awesome right.
What I'm hoping for the fall is that I can write a little more, catch some episodes of The Office, watch the Hawkeyes dominate, have fun with my friends, and take time to enjoy life. Maybe I'll read a good book or two, if I have time. So, bring it on fall. I'm inspired!